Work’s a Beach
After stalking every single comment, taken really retarded quizzes which asks seriously neanderthalic questions (on FB), read through every single news article from stcom on Twitter, I have nothing else left to do.
I am slacking, but it is legal and upright slacking.
FYI, I am working at you-know-where on you-know-which floor which everybody says its heaven. True enough, I am at one of the highest stories in the office building and I can almost see angels flying past the windows as I photostat my papers. Envy me all you want (for you should), I am practically earning money for slacking, stoning, and sitting without a purpose.
What? Did you say they should fire me? Oh ho no they won’t… they do give me work to do occasionally. But only that the deadlines are far~ far~ away… “Can you give me by end of the day?” I finish it before lunch. “The event is next week..so can you finish by next monday?” Completed, chopped and sealed on the same day, with an extra 4 days to spare. Either they seriously underestimate me or the volume of work they can churn out for me to do is simply… sparse.
Work I have done so far:
- Input data from survey forms
- Photostat books (I’m damn good with the photocopier now! :D)
- Ring-binding of books
- Design posters for events
- Design their website layout
- Typing from hard to soft copy
- Accept friend requests on their FB account (yea man!!)
Hmmm yup, that’s about most of the work I’ve done in general. Pretty good life huh? The ratio of doing work: not-doing work hours is probably 3:5…. some days 1:5 xD
Again, they won’t fire me cause I’m bloody efficient! HAHA. All thanks to my demonic typing skills and furthermore PPT/Excel is like second nature to me.
Ah, cheers, to brainless jobs.
Graduation and the Night
OK yes!! I am finally blogging about graduation. Don’t complain, at least I still blogged about it!
First of all, my ‘thank you’ speech! In my blog I’m the Queen so you have to listen/read no matter what!
I would like to thank all my classmates simply for their existence! I can’t even define whether two years is short or long. Short when rushing for reports, long when waiting for the course to be over? Now that it’s finally over, I really miss those days of sitting in the common room with them during FYP and just doing reports and taking tart-glam pictures of them. Those days will probably never return, but er, they will make good memories (rather than living them all over again).
In fact every other non-Class of 2010 student there probably couldn’t share 100% of the happiness with us. I had this really weird feeling that day, a very subtle peace and happiness? Having gone through fear, anxiety and stress for so long, this day really marks the end of it all on a happy note. I won’t say I regretted having worked so hard, but I sure could have used a bit of fun back in the two years. But it’s ok! I’m trying very hard to get to know my classmates better now… (er abit late? But better late than never?) Knowing myself, once I focus on doing something it’s hard to get me to doing something else. Now I’m just a focus-less slacking office girl :D
CLASS OF 2010: I LOVE YOU!
(*^3^*)” Shy~ I’ve never 告白-ed before!
From Kindergarten 1 till now, I don’t think any other class can replace Massey Class of 2010. It’s really through thick and thin that we can be who we are as a class today. I know to some people they may still be closer to their secondary school classmates or something, but the most important thing is what Massey was to me. Somebody put us through a mixer, roller, and extruder before we finally came out as one good edible piece of granola bar.
Next the lecturers! The handsome ones first – Jim and Jason! HAHA. Ok no la, everyone was just as important, including those whom I slept through their lectures and barely have any memories of attending it (*cough*clive*cough*hopper). Then there’s also Isaiah during FYP – I think my butt would have caught on fire if he didn’t help me to buy so many ingredients and materials. And KG! Love-hate roller coaster supervisor-student relationship haha! But when he was still a normal food characterisation lecturer… I think I too slept in most some of his lessons.
Another confession to make: you know the hyperentanglement graph thing – for galactomannans the slope is 4.3 but for other polysaccharides it’s 3.3? I never understood it until I had to read it during FYP LOL! I had no idea what on earth KG was saying when he explained during food characterisation lessons, and I just prayed it wouldn’t come out for exams (lucky it didn’t!).
Education pedagogies are really obsolete. 90% of everything which I learnt during lectures had been disintegrated, yet 90% of things which I found out during PD, AFT and FYP – I can still remember it clear as day. But nevermind, I’m not here to discuss about the primedival education system. (Watch ’3 Idiots’ the movie if you want to know more!)
A good way to summarise our 15 years of school life:
The only thing you remember is not the algebraic formulae in A Maths or the ATP glucose metabolism pathway in biochemistry. It is the hilarious yet retarded moments like throwing dog soft toys from one end to the other end of the classroom while the teacher is not looking, or classmates falling asleep while eating Nerds.
Really, it feels good to leave the books and yet keep our friends.
And the final (or second final, if grad trip is final) activity to commemorate graduation: GRAD NIGHT DINNER!
The theme was RETRO, which I had hoped for it to be mismatch instead, turned out pretty awesome nonetheless!
Though there weren’t much activities planned for a short night, it was still a night to remember. And thanks to the lecturers/Massey staff i.e. Dr. Saw, Isaiah, Gabrielle, Ubol and Sherlain who came down! ^^
Doing the montage was madness, especially with a retarded program like Windows Movie Maker (unbelievably laggy and crash-prone) but I’m glad it turned out fine in the end. Somebody owes me 10 muffins from ‘The Signature Patissiere’ because he used my comp to fix his montage and never bother to help me carry my computer even. Big thanks to all who helped out behind the scenes like catering, games, awards etc! And to the main organiser WS of course!
MOE Temps: Level 10, 12, 22, 2 (actually if you looked closer was Ahbuji showing level 12 or 11?!)
Best dressed for the night: Officer Quek Rou Song in his vintage policemen aka Matar uniform
Damn funny can! It somemore came complete with the beret, whistle and baton. I see the potential for cosplaying in him haha!!! It’s not exactly retro but more like 古装!
Playing “Who’s the Baby” was fun also! I think most of our classmates really didn’t look like ourselves when we were young. That’s me when I was celebrating my 2 year old birthday! So cute right?! Ahahahaha! Then the next picture when taken older Rousong said that I look like as though someone owes me money -.-” Not because someone owes me money but because the person who was sitting next to me in the photo was my parent’s son! Of course not happy lar.
The night ended with a bday celebration for Grace and photo-taking with polaroids! More things happened after that but it’s a secret! LOL ^^
Protected: Some things are better left unsaid
Vivat Academia …?
Just had a short chat with Ahbuji and Buibui (poor Ahbuji, me and Buibui have nothing to do but she’s rather busy.. :X). Blogging now because nobody’s left in the office! ^^
Everyone’s egging Buibui to take the job at an engineering firm because he’s always known as the engineering guy. Engineering for industrial attachment, engineering for FYP. So naturally, back to the engineering field for a job. But he was whining and almost to tears, when he said that people just assume he’s suitable or likes being in the engineering circle. All along, he really wanted to try a research type of project and even hydrocolloids. Imagine Bui and Chia seeds. HAHA! Anyway, I was just joking about the whining and tearing part.
Ok, I admit I’m one of those who assumed he’s most suitable for the engineering FYP when it was time to choose our projects. But now I think I can empathise with how he felt. Now everyone tells me to do PhD, and academia is like chop and sealed road for me to take. But doing research has never even been remotely interesting to me. I get nauseous reading journal articles. Unfortunately, I managed to ‘escape’ attachments in real food industries all three times, always ending up in very safe and protected companies or job positions. So I don’t exactly have any working experience to speak of.
I don’t deny I was quite fortunate, and I too don’t regret doing all three of my attachments.
But I really want to try working in a real hot and sweaty food company, where there are less-than-perfect colleagues, and real-time problems to solve. I tried asking for employment from a few local food companies already, but in the end, the only response I got was from ITE, for relief teaching. Academia again. See? With my grades people will think I’m only suitable for academia. Ok la I admit I probably suck at doing hands-on work, but then again, I can never really find out because there was never a chance to. If I were an employer I too won’t employ myself. I can imagine a geek applying for this job, and running to the textbooks should a problem arise and let the problem grow bigger at the meantime.
I really envy those classmates getting approached by the industry for job offers. At least they would know they are of some value to the industry and are in demand. It’s quite sad if people don’t approach me just because they assume I’m going for further studies. How would they even know anyway?! Worse still, they won’t approach me whether or not I’m going overseas. My first class toilet paper. No wonder Einstein said “the only thing that interferes with my learning is my education”.
The only good thing about this toilet paper is that it is gold in the academia world. As KG put it, I have the choice to choose the research topic and supervisor, and not the other way round for most other people. I shall carefully rethink my research options and not just do hydrocolloids/rheology because KG gets to be my supervisor or because I’m familiar with it. I’m in this mess precisely because I’m always taking the easy way out (or should I say, the easy way always finds me and it’s hook, line, sinker). Haha, believe it or not, I actually quite like food processing, product development, packaging and modeling… erm. Ok. But thankfully I didn’t blindly agree to do some emulsion-polysaccharide-protein interface thingy which KG excitedly proposed. Interesting to him, yes. But it only raises one of my eyebrows, not two.
Creativity, innovation, commercialisation and colours are what appeals to me. Something which people can see, something which fascinates people, and something which the food industry can really use for a good purpose. This was why in the first place I was lured by the thought of working in Meiji and therefore ended up studying food technology. No doubt studying the structures or behaviours of macromolecules would find its practical use sooner or later… but when? I hate thinking about things which I can’t even see. My FYP was actually a nightmare to me… I tried to convince myself incessantly that I was interested in it, but failed. In case KG sees this, I must make it clear that I really appreciated him being my supervisor. But we are just too different in terms of how we approach and solve problems, what kind of problems we want to solve and the things we want to find out.
I’m not going let my toilet paper remain as one. Since I earned it, I am going to make sure it supports the direction that I want to go, and not send me down a one-way street. I may shock people or even myself with my decisions, but I think it’s time to step out of my comfort zone… and not end up really being someone which everyone assumes I would be. I’m not the cabbage to ‘chop’ just because they need somebody to be in the academia from our batch.
Each day is an unsettling day for me as long as the results of the scholarship application is unknown. I know everybody thinks “I sure get it” but there’s always Murphy’s law – what can go wrong, will go wrong. I don’t have concrete backup plans, and if I really were to start finding a job in January it may just be too late. But I really don’t want to stay here either! 神様に全部任せます。All else fails, maybe I’d migrate to Zimbabwe and sell coconut juice there for the rest of my life.
Sorry if I’m boring people with my thoughts! But this is simply too hard a decision to make… Depressing!!!
Disappointed, but oh well.
Graduation is finally over!
It is of course supposed to be a joyous occasion and all, but since expecting my blog, emo stuff and complaints come first before my internal bomb detonates. In fact, if it is something which I can actually do something about it, I wouldn’t be complaining already. Ah, 仕方ない。
First – why was the award changed to ‘First Class Honours’? Doesn’t make sense. It’s already in the certificate so the award just doesn’t add value to it, not to mention, it has no monetary value to begin with. Tch. There goes my hope for being able to rest during the weekends. I know, you sure think I siao one. Got award still complain. But really what! I’d rather have gotten other things like ‘Best Presenter’ or something. At least people would know I’m not some chao mugger who probably stutters and spits when talking to people because I’m only good at facing books. Or the ‘Best Nonsense Talker’ award. I tell you, confirm every sales department wants to hire me.
Wah lau eh. This is why I really repel joining the academia. People really have no sense of practicality at all one! And they can’t make up their minds. Change and change and change. Argh. At first best presenter to best project, from one to two recipients for best practicum award, then from Dean to First Class. -.-” Please. Next time make up your minds first before even telling us anything then in the end give us false hopes only.
The second – my mother. Another indecisive nimwit. At first she said she can’t make it for the graduation. Then this morning she said she would go. Then she said she don’t want to go already, maybe join later. Why? Because she rather send my stupid parent’s son to the bus stop at Jalan Kayu and that she also haven’t chanted her morning prayers. Then later on my way to school she called me to tell me she’s not going. Then after all the graduation thing in school was over, I checked my phone and there were 9 missed calls from her. Apparently she did go to school but couldn’t find anyone in the auditorium (cause we were in T1A already) so she left. Yea, she couldn’t ask around where the remaining of the ceremony was because she doesn’t even know I’m studying at Massey. Thanks hor, till this morning, she still thought I was studying in Nanyang Polytechnic. FML.
Next time, if I really graduate again from PhD, I am not going to ask any single person to attend already. It’s not just troubleSOME, it’s troubleALOT.
Ahbuji thanked the families of the graduates for the support and food for the past two years. I was in the common room 90% of my whole two years precisely because I avoided going home. It’s paradoxical because yes, they were really behind my so-called success because they indirectly made me stay in the common room so that I could get my work done.
Argh. Ok. Finished ranting. Will post the good stuff about graduation, er soon. (Like real! Tioman one haven’t even blog.) Please do not take offence at the awards thing I mentioned. Yes I agree, got award better than no award. But since they want to give already, then at least give something which is of some use.
Anyone wanna buy the award? Please quote me a price.
Blessing in Disguise
As of now, I’m no longer a wandering jobless soul! Thanks to Ahbuji and Buibui for the recommendation at MOE.
You guessed it! I’m slacking at work again hehe. Must not lose out to Buibui, he can blog so many posts because he’s the biggest slacker at work. Plus, the only time my name gets mentioned on his blog is about me balding. Unforgivable!!
Looking back, I really feel like everything happens for a reason, and unfortunate incidents were just blessings in disguises. For many unfathomable reasons I didn’t manage to get the jobs when they were so near to my reach already. In the end, the job at MOE is the most comfortable, most highly paid (for the level of intelligence required), and best of all, I get to work with Ahbuji, Buibui, Shin and maybe Ahjumma!
I’m now working at some department for teaching English. It’s teaching teachers how to teach English and not -what- to teach for English. This means that I’m gonna have an even better chance of being selected to teach English in Japan!! ^^ I hope.
And actually just a few days before I started work at MOE, the sweet/flyers distributor person called me back, another job I applied for the advertisement industry asked me for interview, and the first recruit agent who ps-ed me said there was another admin job available. OKAY. But 好马不吃回头草。And I was seriously sick of finding jobs and entertaining these people already so I flatly rejected all (heng ah..).
So at the end of the day, I’m still one lucky donkey afterall! :)
Maybe I’ll just work at MOE till the end of March. April if there’s no Taiwan grad trip, which I highly think is approaching an asymptote. But please go people!! I really hope to enjoy one last vacation with the Massey peole and Cowseatsushi before I leave for whether the land of milk and honey or the land of sashimi.
Ok blog another time! It’s not very inspiring to blog from my Blackberry or when I’m constantly worried about my boss popping out from behind me!
Icky Heat Rash
For those who have not kena heat rash, otherwise known as prickly heat before, good for you.
This, my friend, is not my leg.
BUT, it was exactly something like this. I was too disgusted with my heat rash to even want to take a picture of it.
Apparently heat rash is nothing fatal nor even mildly harmful. It just itches you to death – imagine 5000 mosquitoes biting you – on top of real mosquito bites which I got from Tioman during the cycling venture. And then your skin having a 40 degree celcius fever at the same time.
I gotten heat rash once before for wearing leggings to sleep – which was meant to prevent to mosquito bites! The irony! And I thought I’d be safe from heat rash since I never really dared to wear leggings anymore after that itchy nightmare. This time, I think I got heat rash as a result of not washing away my sunblock remnants properly.
Don’t ever use water-resistant sunblock!
I tell you, waterproof sunblock is extremely good at protecting you from the sun, got barely a square centimeter of skin peeling from sunburn. But you would wish that you had gotten chao ta sunburn rather than heat rash. Heat rash makes your skin look like some diseased rotting body part, worse still, STD-infected patient. Anyway, heat rash results from blocked sweat pores, and yes, since the sunblock is waterproof, it’s bloody hard to remove it from your skin with just water. Blame myself for leaving the sunblock on for so damn long before bathing.
Come to think of it again, if we hadn’t played Polar Bear till so late, I might have gone to bathe earlier and my sweat glands may not have been blocked. BUT, between playing Polar Bear and getting heat rash, it really is quite difficult to decide. Haha!
In any case, I am here to save all people with heat rash! *Throw confetti*
The most common treatment you would hear for heat rash is 1) Prickly heat powder and 2) Calamine Lotion. I don’t exactly know if they really work, but somehow I think they just help to soothe the itch but not exactly heal it. Still, better than nothing.
If you’re really itching like an ape with fleas, then you can try taking some anti-histamine medicine. I bought Clarityne from Guardian (S$8.90) and it really does seem to suppress the itch for a few hours. Oh did I mention? I get hives along with heat rash which makes the bumps, itch and depression x1000 worse. If you don’t get hives then I don’t think Clarityne would help much?
Nevermind. Thanks for reading till here. Because the most important thing I want to say is, there is a wonder cure for heat rash! It is practically free and I guarantee your heat rash will heal dramatically.
I ploughed through the internet for cures on heat rash and I finally found it. One person on some forum called ‘Jan’ suggested using ice compression. That is, take 1-2 ice cubes, compress it on the affected rash area until the ice cube completely melts away. Do NOT smother the ice cube on your skin – you are not applying ice lotion. Just press the ice cube and don’t move it. So if your affected area is big, then you’ll need more ice cubes. One ice cube is about 4cm^2. You do the maths. The area with the rashes won’t really feel cold cause like I said it’s having a fever, only that it will feel numb once the ice really gets melting. Bear with it!
I got hives once I applied the ice, but I know that hives go away in a few hours so I didn’t bother about them. The next morning I woke up, voila! The heat rash bumps reduced by at least 50% and the area was no longer reddish! The previous time I got heat rash it took about 2 weeks to heal. Now, I didn’t find out about the ice method until about 1 week after the rash – but the itching reduced loads after that!
So the next time you get heat rash, use the ice for your skin, not your drinks!
Back to Hikkikomori Mode
FML. Somebody kill me please. Or letting me kill you is also fine.
I wonder if I have this ‘dai sai’ aura or something. Let me recall all the jobs that I applied for after coming back from Tioman:
1) Promoter for Gold Kili
Ok this one was quite good – good pay, good colleague but only thing is that it is in downtown east. But still ok for me since it is only on weekends.
2) Flyer and sweets distributor
Couldn’t go for the interview because of my heat rash. Workplace was supposed to be at the new shopping centre in Serangoon i.e. damn near my house!
3) Fruit Paradise
Should have applied for it with ahjumma at Vivo! There was a very cute girl working there somemore… In the end I applied for the Raffles City branch and they didn’t seem very keen on asking me to work. All philipinos there somemore. Meh. Ok because I said I can only work till end of November. I’m such a dumb fart. .
4) Universal Studios
My dream part time job! But a fire broke out on the day of the interview. Ha. Ha. No la just kidding. They wanted at least 6 months commitment. I hate lying to any company about how long I can really work for, so all of us decided not to apply. Curses!!!
5) Admin job at Standard Chartered Bank
Was almost confirmed for the job already until I got informed last minute that it was taken by somebody else. So I was referred to another -slightly- lower pay job, but in the end I didn’t receive news of it anymore… Agent flew my aeroplane.. again.
6) Receptionist cum Bao Ga Liao in backpacking hostel
This was probably the only job I was genuinely interested in. But… They only begin operations in mid Nov and.. The pay is really low. But I love the idea of meeting likeminded backpackers and finally put some of my language skills to proper use!! Anyway they also wanted someone long term.. So, out again.
I talked to the lady boss of the hostel for over an hour and she told me she used to be an MOE teacher. She used to be interested in teaching but no longer. Makes me kinda wonder if I’d be like her too.. Chasing after my true passions at the very end..
7) Waitress at ‘The Cafe and Pub’
Supposed to take over Esther’s job, but because a foolish fool like me foolishly thought that I was going to work as admin (see job no. 5), I rejected Esther’s job after going all the way down to Novena. Nvm, what’s done cannot be undone…
8) Admin job at Ruth’s workplace
I thought I could confirm this job as well but… 人算不如天算. Went down to Raffles Place early in the morning to sign the contract but in the end, the agent flew my aeroplane for more than an hour and I had to leave without signing the contract cause then I’d be late for the Gold Kili job.
Unlike the agent, I am professional and won’t be late for my work ok! (But I’m good at slacking oops). She somemore lied to me about having asked her colleague to stand in for her.. Her colleague didn’t even have any idea who I was lor. She should have just admitted she was out clubbing all night and therefore overslept. They said they came down to the waiting lobby for visitors but didn’t see me… Liar!! I was there all the time! Don’t tell me you know of my invisible powers which I don’t even know myself.
But anyway I already sort of sent a rejection letter to the person in charge already.. So yea, back to a square one again. Really, really sorry to Ruthoo for pang seh-ing… :(
I already changed the appointment for collecting my graduation gown to evening ….!! Arghhhhh…. TMD!!!
————-
Is this all some kind of big sick joke?
Or that everything really happens for a reason?
I’m not picky about the jobs what! Far one, low pay one, boring one I all accept what! Just what the heck is wrong.. ?
Haiya. So sick of finding jobs already. Waste so much time and money on transport etc., in the end also a big waste of time. Think I’ll ‘go on a holiday’ until convocation is over and finish up whatever needs to be finished especially the grad night stuff.
Only good thing is that I am now a pro at writing ‘rejection’ mails. “I regret to inform you that I am unable to work as xxx as previously discussed”…
Ok I’ve decided. I am NOT going to apply for anymore weekday jobs that pays less than $20/hr. I shall just stay at home the whole day, be my hikkikomori, and MIA from the rest of the world.
And I’ll go on a holiday after March till May then! Taiwan, Japan, Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand!
山不转路转，路不转人转，人不转心转
Job Hunting Season
The hunt for jobs is back on! I’m already feeling a sense of deja vu from the post-diploma-while-waiting-for-Massey-to-start days. It was so hard finding a job back then.
Then
Poly fresh grad. No work experience. Desperately needed money to fund my Taiwan and Bangkok trip. Couldn’t apply for long term job because 1) waiting for school to start in Aug, 2) going away on a trip (around 2 weeks) in between the waiting period, 3) out of luck.
Now
Nothing seems to have changed.
Uni fresh grad. No work experience. Desperately need money to fund my ASEAN trip. Can’t apply for long term job because 1) waiting for reply on PhD application in Dec (or if successful, for it to start around May), 2) going away on a trip (3 weeks) in between the waiting period, 3) out of luck.
You might think then why do I still bother with the vacation since I don’t have the money or that it impedes my job-finding prospects?
I can only say, you only live once. I know for very sure that travelling is my real passion and when better to do it than now? No long-term or permanent job to bog me down (so saves me the hassle of applying leaves etc.), and I cannot be any physically fitter (age-wise). I change each time I am back from an overseas trip. I find a bit of myself, another way to look at the world, and basically take some time off to change the pace of life.
Sometimes desperation drives people to make the wrong decisions. Of course I hope my classmates who are looking for their potential long term job in the food industry now won’t commit this mistake. One by one, as each secures a job, those remaining would start to feel the pressure. But the longer-term you want your job to be, the longer you will and should take to find a job.
Me who can’t commit long term since my available period is only November and Jan-March, shall have to make do with lap chap jobs like data entry, promoter (again, for the nth time), and waitressing. Ah, data entry is still the best. I can daydream and all people see is still the back of my head (assuming I’m facing a wall). I’m starting my ideal brainless job next Monday as an admin girl at a really far place~ Not exactly excited about it but I’m looking forward to the bus ride when I can finally study my Japanese while commuting there! And I must thank Ruthoo for introducing me the job! At the very least I now know my ASEAN trip is financially confirmed.
Truthfully speaking, I’m quite disappointed when KG said that there wouldn’t be monetary rewards for academic efforts. I don’t want a trophy. I just want money. A trophy can’t bring me to Cambodia to see the sinking Angkor Wat. A trophy can’t bring me to Vietnam to visit my old friends. A trophy can’t bring me to Thailand for a massage at Wat Po which I’ve been craving for 3 years. And because of that, I have to work bone to blood from MONDAYS to SUNDAYS, 9 hours each day, just to earn even $1000.
I wonder how much will the pawnshop pay me for the trophy? Or should I auction it off Ebay…?
And to think I exchanged a big 2 years of my life, friends, time, blood and sweat for a “trophy”. This is a trophy of spinsterhood, oppression to do PhD which I do not want, and ‘intimidation’ to others. The fact that I only earn $7/hour now makes me want to knock myself unconscious with the trophy.
But you know what’s the most gek sim part? The juniors are likely to get monetary prize next year! The world is just f*cking unfair. The juniors are getting the strawberry of the cake and we’re getting only the fattening cream. Worst still, cake crumbs maybe.
The juniors who will be doing the same research project for their industrial attachment as I did are getting paid at least 4 times more than I was. Of course I should be thankful that KG took me in for attachment and everything, but remember that I was d-e-a-d broke after coming back from Japan. There will also likely be awards for the best project for the food process & design module. I really have nothing to say, except suay. Suay, suay, suay. Angry. I hear something bubbling – oh wait, I think it’s my blood boiling.
Money is not the root of all evil, the lack of money is.
It only seems that the higher my qualifications, the poorer I get. At least during SP graduation I got $1000 which all went to my Taiwan trip. And even the part time jobs after diploma were paid much higher. Why?! Don’t tell me degrees are really toilet papers and even first class honours are also merely scented and thicker toilet papers. Toilet paper that’s why do sai gang.
Why am I always arrowed to get unfair treatment? Just because I stay in a landed property, the government gives me only $100 for the GST relief fund. Hello? I’m not even the one who bought the house! And I assure you nobody in class will have a lower allowance than me. How does $1000 for 5 months sound, which includes transportation ($97 because I stay so goddamn far) and handphone bills? Or $1.51 in my POSB bank account and $1.30 in by OCBC bank? All the expensive stuff which I own are sponsored by mother, who doesn’t contribute to allowance (-.-”). Therefore they do not make me any richer. As to why she bought it for me, let’s just say it was 21 years worth of birthday presents and celebrations which never happened.
My tutee got a digicam for improvement in her exam results. Now let’s see, which was the year when my parents gave or even at least motivated me to get good grades in return for something I want? Kindergarten 2 I think. While I miserably watched other classmates getting like $100 for an ‘A’, $50 for a ‘B’, I got $1.00 and $0.50 respectively. No la, just joking! ………. I didn’t even get $0.10.
They never ever asked to see my report book unless they had to sign it. I was the only kid who went to collect my PSLE results alone. Fortunately there were more people who didn’t bring their parents when collecting O Level results. I guess it must be because we were at the age when being seen with your parents is so not cool. From poly onwards the one and only reply I give to my father when he asks “how’s your school work?” is “Ok lor”.
Nevermind. What I really want to say is, you cannot have your cake and eat it too. Those who have the cake can’t eat it and those who can eat can’t eat cakes.
————————–
The difference between scholarships and bursaries is that the former is based on merit and the latter is based on your father’s salary right? Staying in an accursed landed property means I can’t apply for bursaries. But hey! At least scholarships reward those who really deserve it since they worked hard! ….. right?
Non non…. you’re absolutely wrong. In fact, meritocracy is merely a facade used by the gah’men in Singapore. Every time I go for scholarship interviews they question me more about my father’s salary and occupation more than what good I can do with the scholarship money.
One day, as though God is sending me a secret message to give up on scholarships, I overheard two lecturers talking in the toilet. I was, of course already in a cubicle eavesdropping. Surprise surprise, they were saying that they do take into account parent’s income, and that they ask those whose parents are rich (yet qualify for scholarship) to come down for interview for bloody formalities’ sake. WTF?! Waste my time filling the form and going down for the interview and at least one passport photo. Like this then no need scholarship le la! Just have bursary with academic grade requirements then good enough le what.
Damn I really hate this world. Especially this country. Every action is just for show. For the last f*cking time, what has my parent’s income got to do with the effort I put in for something that money can’t buy?!
Sorry if I always sound so agitated nowadays. I really need to work in order to stop thinking about all these injustice. And of course I may be a complete asshole to even complain about living in a landed house, being even able to qualify for scholarships and get first class honours. But what really takes my cake is getting the unfair treatment even after all the blood that drained dry from working so hard. Argh. Pek cek.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
When life gives you rotten lemons, get stomachache.
Japanese Tamago
I’ve been wondering how is the Japanese tamago is made ever since I ate one really good one at Marudama (Central) the other day!
Found this video and somehow it looks quite easy to make as well…. :) Shall try it soon!
The politically wrong answers
Actually, I’m not supposed to be blogging while working.. But seriously all I have to do is wait for people to come redeem their free drink and there’s probably more staff than ‘people’ around.
Anyway, I get to stay in the air conditioned area while my colleague (yanling’s cousin) is outside doing the tough work.. I can’t stay in the heat because of my annoying heat rashes so er. But next week it’ll be my turn.. Better bring container to collect myself in a liquid form.
Sian. Anyway, SP sent a list of questions for some interview thing which I thought would be quite interesting to answer the ‘by-left’ i.e politically non-correct way.
1. Why did you choose the degree course in Massey?
Because this course so coincidentally came when we were just about to graduate from SP!! And two years only leh, don’t take bai bu take! This way I can also graduate at the same time as those who went JC, only that I have an extra diploma and not some worthless A levels cert muhahaha!
2. Who is your fav lecturer and why?
My favourite lecturer is Kelvin Goh because he looks like Nobita from Doraemon. Lol! No la, because he’s the only one who can give in to my whims and whines. Plus it’s a fact he’s a very nice person :)
3. Describe your most memorable experience in Massey
Confirm is staying overnight in school with people like Ahjumma and Wehttam, being a midnight violinist and mugger, and walking along the completely dark (save a lighted green exit sign) corridors
4. Describe your family
I wrote ‘No Comments’ for the actual answer.
But ‘no comments’ usually really means:
A) I have too many comments but am too lazy to comment everything for you
B) If I really comment then there’d be lots of vulgarities. Be warned!!
C) I don’t feel like nor want to tell you about it
Ok back to the question.
One sentence to describe my family? “Every single one of them drives me mad!!”
Especially my parent’s son. I cannot remember if there was a Sunday when he didn’t wake me up at bloody 8+ am with his stupid techno songs. I think I haven’t said more than 6 words to him for nearly 8 years already. They were probably ‘shut up’ and ‘shut the f*ck up’. Good heavens can he just disappear from my life?!
Then there’s my crazy sister who understands only 0.1% of what I’m saying even till today. She totally ignores the most important instructions i.e. ‘DON’T TOUCH MY THINGS‘ and ‘DON’T EAT MY FOOD‘. And if she starts dancing Wonder Girls’ ‘Nobody’ in front of me again she’s dead meat.
My parents – do they really exist? Or are they just non-playing characters (NPCs) who appear from time to time? Haven’t really seen much of them these years until recently. Maybe they finally realised that I’m really going to be gone.
My grandparents are probably the more normal ones around.
5. How was your childhood like? Give 2 interesting examples
I also gave ‘No Comments’. Cause my childhood I think can be summarised into one word – sucks.
Only good thing that happened was getting to know @cowseatsushi in primary 2! But overall I hated my life from when I was 10 to 20 years old.
In primary school, I was fat and ugly and stupid.
In secondary school, I was fat and ugly and pimply (and therefore should be fugly) and stupid.
In poly, I was fat and ugly and pimply.
And now I finally see some light at the end of the tunnel. I am reduced to only fat and ugly. So, not bad! Thanks to the discovery of acne medicine and the sudden exponential increase in smart brain cells in secondary 3 to 4.
Not to mention my parent’s son made it so much more unbearable. Everyday booming away with his techno songs which irritates me to the max, and hogging the computer (before I got my own), and spewing all sorts of vulgarities at me like some buay paiseh uncle in a kopitiam. And my mother and grandmother still showed favouritism towards him. I hope they regretted it now that they know he’s nothing but a piece of shit.
And my parents quarreled so much I’m glad they didn’t end up killing each other. Although things didn’t end up very nicely, it was perhaps a blessing in disguise which made me learn to stand on my two feet quickly and getting all the freedom I needed.
Childhood? I’d rather not remember anything from it. No wonder I had to create another world of my own in order to escape from all these. Alas, I got stuck in my own world for a long, long time… But thankfully I have found my golden ticket and am about to achieve my decade old dream of living or working abroad, away from everything.. My seven year-long effort is finally coming to fruition! It’s been a tiring journey.. But it will well be worth it in the end :) I thank Kelvin from the bottom of my heart for pulling me through when I was about to give up.
Ok that was too much rambling. Time to move on.
6. Name some people whom you admire most and why?
The person whom I wrote for the real one will never believe that I wrote about him/her lol!
Can I admire myself? Hahaha just kidding ~ ok anyway, first is probably Beethoven. He was deaf yet he still managed to compose beautiful pieces of music. But maybe he composed them before he turned deaf, oops.
Another person will be BoA! She too works really hard for her dreams.. Plus she’s so pretty, smart and her dancing is No.1!
7. What i enjoy doing most and why?
Play ‘polar bear’. And I really wrote this as the real answer!
The game is a very real reflection of life.
8. Three things I dislike the most (about life/other people/myself/in general)
A) “Don’t judge people by what others say of them, judge them by what they say of others” – people who don’t follow this rule. And the ones who are always ‘saying others’; misconstruing the real facts, tsk.
B) Two-faced people. Don’t know which face to slap first. Maybe the side which always plays ‘victim’.
C) My parents’ son
Omg this list could go on! Can I?
Ok I shall!
D) People who stand right smack in the middle on escalators, people who hog atm machines, people who do not wait for others to alight before boarding the train, and of course our dearest and most ‘talented’ ah tiongs.
9. Describe the most memorable experience of my life is
Solo backpacking in Japan to ‘celebrate’ my 21st birthday! It only started as a small thought in 2008 that maybe I could celebrate it in Japan. Never thought it could actually happen! Finally I got to see the land of the rising sun after 9 long years and pass through the orange gates to heaven.. For once I really believe that my life is changing for the better :) Still believing in it!
Anyway I always have the phobia of having nobody turn up for my birthday celebration.. At least if I don’t celebrate it then there won’t be any disappointment! Hmm.
10. My best achievement so far..
Completing a 42 km marathon. Something which takes much more mental than physical strength since I wasn’t much of an athlete myself.
And again, being brave enough to make my ‘Japan dream’ come true. Seriously what the heck was I thinking?! To find a job and to work during Massey schooldays was pure suicide.
11. My worst failure to date ..
I think I’m an awfully unfilial daughter and granddaughter.
12. I believe the secret of my success is..
I don’t really like the way they phrased this question.
If it is what I think it is then I assume they’re saying ‘success’ means being top student bla bla that kind of shenanigan talk. Is being a top student really that successful a thing?
Success in my definition means achieving something that I have aimed for, that’s all. I didn’t aim to get whatever flowery As in my report card… I just wanted a gateway to open for me to get overseas. If in the end I don’t get to leave Singapore, even if my GPA was a perfect 9.0, I would still say I have failed.
But being smart (or rather I should say getting As; they are two different things! 我没有你~想象~那么厉害) is not that great a thing like most people and kiasu parents think. Suddenly everyone gets a preconceived idea of who they think you are, and either avoid you or stick to you for your homework. And those unnecessary expectations to fulfil… Trust me, they’re enough to drive one crazy. You saw what happened with me.
The part I hate most: the only adjective left to describe me is ‘smart’. I really wish people would say something else for a change..
But ok la, to get As you actually need to be only good at three things. Don’t say I didn’t share! Haha~
A) Maths
If you’re good in maths, you’ll most likely get by any engineering/maths/science papers with a breeze~
B) Memorising
If you have photographic (must be DSLR kind) memory, you’ll do fine in almost every paper except those above
C) Humility
Earn good karma by being humble! Nobody likes a snotty person with a high IQ and an EQ going in the other direction anyway. Don’t say things like “It is a disgrace to get same degree as you” or something to that effect. EVEN if you have the right to.
13. What makes you stand out and unique?
I must be really buay paiseh to answer this question. But seriously, I have no idea. The only thing people notice me for is my report card….. sian. People rarely notice or want to strike a conversation with me (does this explain why I like to talk to myself so much on my blog?!). Therefore I am nothing without my report cards. Sian. Again.
14. Any interesting/significant part of your life that is not covered in the above questions?
Eh? I think I covered more than enough already! You should have by now realised how abysmal my self-esteem is…
15. Will you be furthering your studies or looking for work?
Applied for PhD… but still somehow secretly hoping that it will get rejected. Then at least I know the remaining path that needs to be taken. “When one door closes, another opens”. But it is sometimes a pain in the ass when you have two doors open or both closed.
16. What do you hope to do/ achieve in 5 year’s time?
Working in Meiji Seika in Japan!!! I can’t believe something I said off a whim on one sunny day in secondary 2 has brought me this far.
And also to finally get a chance to pah tuo on a weekend instead of staying at home waiting for the next episode of an anime to air.
Please don’t try to console me by saying ‘I’m too smart that’s why nobody dares to go after me’ that kind of thing. If that’s the case then the day when I get my PhD is the day I’m condemned to a lifetime of spinsterhood.
I’m deeply etched to only one belief: guys only go for looks. No matter if the guy is smart, stupid, fat, skinny, rich, poor, nerdy, bald or gay. If not please explain to me how even bitches can get boyfriends. It is even more frustrating when Mr. Nice Guys all end up liking the evil Chihuahuas.
If I were a guy I probably would have tons of girls crawling at my feet already.
17. Would you consider being an entrepreneur?
Hate this question because I’m tired and feel like sleeping already!
Back from Tioman
Back from Tioman!
I think I finally know what I’ve been missing and looking for over the past 13 years.. It’s been a long… long.. time since I really laughed.
Thanks everyone … Will miss you guys loads :)
More updates on the Tioman trip…. er, soon!
Nua-er than Silly Putty
I can’t describe how much I love life now.
No work, no commitments, no deadlines to meet, no frustrating people to handle, no alarm clocks to set.
During school time even if I’m enjoying ‘to my fullest’ it’s still only 60%. Now it’s 90%, because I actually haven’t finished editing my report… *cries*
I’m turning into a ’12 hour sleep per day’ pig! But then again, not really cause I’ve been exercising! Wheeee~ This has to be one of the best things about not having school, because I can only handle mental or physical stress, one at a time. Since there’s no mental stress here anymore, bring on the physical stress!!! I can exercise or diet like mad and my body is not likely to retaliate :D I guess that’s why while everyone loses weight when doing their reports I end up gaining weight and the opposite happens during holidays.
(Wait a minute, it’s not even considered a ‘holiday’ now because I’m actually unemployed! Holidays are for students who still have a school to go back to, unless doing PhD in NZ counts. But that’s a whole different story altogether.)
Anyway, I have this weird habit which I don’t know if anyone else has. Whenever I’ve thought of the solution to something or decided properly on what to write in the discussion, I will stop immediately and look for something to eat/drink. Then I start doing my report proper. Why huh? No wonder it’s so hard to keep the fats off when I’ve had like 101 reports to write.
Well, anyway, I must confess that my EQ can plummet when I’m super stressed – and vice versa. Which explains why I was so chirpy towards the end of school during FYP. I miss those FYP days actually!!! The stress level was just about right and so was the company. At least we didn’t really have to worry about finding a job because we still had allowance!
As for what are my plans for now…
These were the options I had in mind for the last few months in school:
1) Get a job in Universal Studios
Unfortunately to no avail. Anyone got lobang??
2) Get a job in a food company
Also can’t find any that can accept one without experience, or the job scope is just… put it simply, sai gang. I can’t really apply for one because (see below)
3) Apply for PhD in NZ
Yes I applied. Which explains why I can’t really apply for any long term job for now since I would have to get my ass over in NZ by June or December next year if successful. I did feel like I betrayed my self-interest applying for PhD, but I guess it’s partly because of the ‘sale-syndrome’. You know how every time you see a sale that is “last 2 days only!!!” then you can’t help but buy it?! Yah, that was what happened with the PhD thing. The application for the scholarship closes on 1st October, which I realised on 22nd September. The next application date is July next year you know?! So, I applied without really thinking much, including the topic of research….ouch.
But nothing is going to change if I continue my life here in Singapore… Going to be waking up, squeezing with foreigners on the bus/train, work, go back home to see people whom I absolutely want to erase from my life…. Thanks but no. Being able to physically live elsewhere is good enough for me, no matter what I am doing. Besides, I think with the god damn slow and expensive internet there means I can concentrate on learning the violin and come back hopefully skilled enough to play on my friend’s wedding, if they allow me la. -hint hint-
4) Teach English in Japan
I see some hope for this now…. :)
Now to see which side rejects my application and the other one will be my path for the next few years… Quite scary if I get rejected on both sides. That would be a true 赔了夫人又则兵. Cross-fingers!
5) Start my own business
This option is frankly speaking the scariest. First I don’t get to go overseas and secondly I am playing with money here, which I don’t have to begin with. Hmmm. So while I may have many ideas, it’s still hard to materialise. Hopefully this will be my option after a few years of saving and exposure to the outside world?
So basically, I’m officially an unemployed bummer now! Anyone with a job offer please let me know! Just no distributing flyers or promoting anything can already! :D Thanks amigoes, ciao~!
Propaganda And (more) Propaganda
Dear blog, I missed you!
I have been blogging almost every single day, but they’ve all remained in my head and never typing them out into words.
The more I try to reorganise my post-school life, the more I get caught up in the lazy waves and normal activities cease to function. (hear: excuses…and more excuses)
Nevertheless, I’m here to blog because I am seriously pissed with something (Yea you know you can’t get me to blog unless I’m feeling emo or highly dissatisfied with something)!
I assume those reading my blog are all Singaporeans + an illegal immigrant from JB (hehe). Let me ask you something: Are you patriotic? How patriotic are you? If you’re the one who actually sings the national anthem throughout your secondary school life and in front of the TV during national parade, I suggest you don’t continue reading.
I have very serious objections as to how Singapore is run and turning into. First, regarding the new CPF withdrawal scheme thing. Seriously, WTF!?! I’m not very sure with the details and exactness of the scheme, but this is what I gathered:
You can no longer withdraw a large fat sum from your CPF after 55!
In the past, retirees could withdraw (at least?) 50% of the entire CPF. Say I got possessed and worked as a QC personnel with a monthly salary of $2000 for 30 years. CPF contribution rate is 20%, so S$400 goes into my CPF each month. After 30 years I have a fat whopping $144,000 sitting in my CPF, with $72,000 ready to burn! Madness! The remaining will be released to you over a span of 20 years, meaning they’re assuming you’d live to about 75.
But times have changed. The government decided that since people are living longer, so they’re going to give your rightful money over your whole life span till you drop dead. Then whatever remaining goes to either your beneficiary or to them if you don’t nominate (bloody hell I didn’t work for the stinking government!) Now what logic is this? They think that at 55 we’d still be kids? Surely we know whether we want our own money given to us like little children receiving candy allowance or a large sum to do other stuffs with it before we turn too old and wrinkly to do so? I can tell you by the time I reach retirement the age would be have been raised and I’m going to have my money sitting with the CPF for an even longer time collecting cobwebs.
I remember Prof. Archer asked us whether it’d be wiser to receive say, $500 today, or $100 each month for 5 months. The financially intelligent would opt to receive the former, because everyone knows value depreciates and worse of all, what if we kick the bucket before we finish receiving everything? The same with the CPF thing. By withholding our rightful monies, they are the ones with the cashflow and god knows what they do with it. Probably build a bigger peanut factory.
You may say, “the money goes to the person you nominated after you die what?”. What if:
1) I don’t have kids/husband/remaining family members to nominate,
2) I hate my kids/husband/remaining family members and no way am I giving my hard earned money to them,
3) I want to spend every single last cent I earned before I leave this world, but the problem is this is no longer possible with the new scheme unless you live till 200 and manage to use up everything.
Oh… guess what? The gah’men is damn smart. New nomination rules to solve your problems!
Why is the government allowing nomination of CPF monies into beneficiaries’ CPF accounts?
This new option is introduced in response to public feedback that CPF monies could be transferred to nominees’ CPF accounts to better provide for their dependents’ retirement and healthcare adequacy.
Ha. ha. What it really says: So that the cycle can repeat itself and fat hope for your nominee to receive a large sum of money from you. You can do this to torture your unfilial kids. Or maybe cause children have been secretly hiring assassins to kill their parents to get their CPF in cash, so putting the money into the children’s CPF will lower parental murder rates. Oh wait, this is Singapore, not Chi** duh. Or maybe they’re hoping that after passing CPF monies from generation to generation, one stupid person finally forgets to nominate…. then… *whistle…*
Is it compulsory to transfer my CPF savings to my nominees’ CPF accounts upon death?
No, it is optional.
Of course it is optional! *smiles* It is highly recommended that you do NOT nominate anyone and we’d be grateful for your kind donations to the CPF :) We can use it to fund our world class peanut factory, such as hiring more workers to de-shell peanuts.
Anyway if you haven’t realised, this period is when the baby boomers (i.e. people born in 1947 – 1964) are reaching/have reached retirement age of 55. Baby boomers = alot of people = alot of money as CPF money. So I was wondering if alot of people suddenly start withdrawing large sums from CPF….. then the cashflow for CPF will depreciate appreciably… You think all the while when CPF kapoks your money they just let it sit there meh? They will operate like CPFB i.e. CPF-Bank and use those monies to build up their asset or as investments somewhere else and let the money grow! Just saying. Think about it.
If you disagree with what I say or think that I’m too opinionated, it’s fine by me. But you can’t deny that policies in Singapore smell fishier than sashimi.
Anyway, I have more to complain! Part II will arrive shortly from this dissatisfied peanut factory worker. Bus fares, ah tiongs and our ever so miserable wages. We’re literally paid peanuts peanut shells.
You can read fellow peanut factory worker’s blog in the meanwhile: http://singaporemind.blogspot.com/
P/S: You are not a Singaporean if you don’t understand the peanut factory sarcarsm.
Jumping to Conclusions
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
It’s been almost a week since FYP presentation and 4 days since I handed up my finalised draft report. Throw confetti and party…..? Unfortunately, I’m still in a PTSD (Post-traumatic stress disorder) mode. Btw, I learnt the term ‘PTSD’ from the Autumn’s Concerto drama – more on that next time.
First of all, I’m still dreading the edited version of the report from KG. Every day I see flashes of it, marked with red boxes and blue lines and thinking of it makes me want to cringe and curl into a ball. I so do NOT want to edit the report anymore! :( But that’s impossible. I KNOW. Read previous post if you don’t get what I mean. After two years of staying in a pressure cooker, it takes time to get back my mental conscious. All I’ve done is 1) clean my room/common room and 2) watch Autumn’s Concerto. Whatever happened to the 3 metres-long list of “Things to do after graduation!”?! Oh ya I forgot. 3) Distribute flyers at Comex.
Point no. 3 was the lamest. I don’t mean to sound all haughty and obnoxious about having a degree but seriously – a fresh graduate distributing flyers? $20,000 worth of school fees (subsidised somemore!) and this is the first job I land. 我对不起我祖先 。(Translate: I let my ancestors down). Was supposed to work for three days but after one and a half (not even two) days I gave up. Even the 4 salonpas stickers didn’t help my backache. It is seriously a brainless and boring activity that the pay was not worth such mental and physical torture. The Singapore government should consider instead of jailing people who break the law, they should be made to distribute flyers for 12 hours a day for 365 days. That should drive them insane and see who dares to commit a crime again.
I’m seriously not in the post-graduation or post-no-more-reports-to-do-anymore-hurray! mood. Just want to nua and turn into a big blob of lard. To make things worse, I’m also suffering from home sickness. In my dictionary, home sickness is defined as “To be in the state where one is sick of home“. I can never really be suffering from the real home sickness i.e. missing home because I absolutely hate it. It’s like being in a refugee camp.
There’s people who 1) Don’t bathe (my fat and lazy sister), people who stink and are very noisy (parent’s son), people who are hungry but with no food nor rations to eat (me), people who complain the whole day (grandparents). I miss my common room ‘home’ and my roommates alot! MI XIU MI XIU!
The pressure to compete with your bank account to see whether you can fill it up faster than it drains is CRAZY! My father really thinks I’m super free and in the right mental state to do things for him. First of all, I’m mentally drained, so NO. Secondly, what comes of it? The miserable allowance you gave me over the years obviously means that I don’t have savings and therefore if there’s anything for me to do now it is to find a job that PAYS. Third, whatever you want me to do will come AFTER my 3 metres-long list of “Things to do after graduation”. No way am I giving priority to your wild business ideas even if it means earning more money. I want money but I want my money to come from doing things that I like. He is just aggravating my PTSD I tell you.
I guess I can never really let my hair down until the day the final finalised final-ed copy of the report is submitted for printing.
ごめんね、先生。
This is how my FYP supervisor probably looked like last Friday.
I feel quite bad for talking back to him all the time but last Friday I think I completely lost it. A lethal combination of stress and PMS = Mt. Krakatoa in T1A36. I suppose my classmates thought the poster was the culprit but come to think of it, I didn’t have any real objections to what he wanted me to amend in the poster. Before he talked about the poster we were discussing about some uninteresting and nobody-wants-to-know-anyway interactions between molecules. Ok I know he is smart, so he got some ideas pretty quickly on the spot and he said “See? This is what I want to see from you (referring to the ideas he came up with)”. That sentence triggered the time bomb in me and after the bomb exploded my face turned black.
First of all, I honestly swear I’ve already thought of that before he did. Just that 1) he was too busy the past few weeks and I didn’t want to disturb him, 2) I wasn’t sure if it was correct (which is why I didn’t want to tell him until I sorted out my thoughts) and 3) now that idea looks like his instead (ok of course it’s his as well but it’s unfair to me!!!). The way he said it completely crushed whatever little self confidence I had left in the project. I don’t know WTF is happening, I only have guesses, I cannot contribute anything, my results are cui and consistently inconsistent, what I need a week to think he can do it in 10 minutes, he even said before that he doubts the reliability of my rheometer setting parameters but YET he always say that I’ve done very good work, I’m a very good student bla bla.
What is this? Stop saying I’m a good student!!! I hate compliments when I feel I absolutely don’t deserve them. I know he’s not patronising but it pisses me even more. Till now most of the theories were from him, I am just an operator who prepares and run the samples for analysis. I’m a useless piece of pork :( Maybe this post sounds like I’m complaining and whining about a mean supervisor but trust me, it’s precisely he’s too good a supervisor that I get so fed up not meeting his expectations.
I try to put in more effort and higher expectations when I’m doing work for this supervisor, yet every time he says he doesn’t understand something or is not satisfied with something makes me feel like shooting myself because I’ve already pushed myself to the limit yet even the limit barely reaches his toes. My already very small ego is seriously bruised and now I’ve developed some kind of phobia of doing my report/presentation/graphs because at the back of my head the May-devil is chanting “IT’S NEVER GOOD ENOUGH!!!!” and my refusal and denial to listen to what should be improved deepens abysmally.
He said he doesn’t understand me, because one minute I seem to be very enthusiastic about the project and the next minute I lose interest like a deflated balloon. One period of time I wanted to do my PhD and the next I want to travel around the world and completely resist the idea of PhD. Well guess what? I am just like the system in my project – my brains undergoes phase inversion from time to time and can never reach thermodynamic stability. If he is feeling discouraged that he can’t seem to understand me, then what about the person who can’t understand herself? Isn’t it worse off? But the fact that I can’t make up my mind and interests is true. Sometimes, every time, you can’t have your cake and eat it too.
Till now I’m still pissed off with myself for losing my temper that day and also pissed off with him for making me pissed off with myself and his Taipei 101-high expectations. I just want to be treated like any normal student at a degree level. Even if my ‘track record’ is good, it doesn’t mean I can do equally well in projects nor that I can take stress better than others. I am not disguising anything with my laughter. It is just that if I’m not laughing, I can only be crying – there are no in betweens.
Symptoms of Work Denial or Addiction Cooties
1. The first thing after you turn on your computer is to subconsciously click on a folder called ‘School’, ‘FYP’, ‘Shitty work’ or whatever you chose to name your folder for storing files which you don’t ever feel like opening.
P.S: Same for saving files. When clicking ‘Save as’, for pete’s sake don’t end up saving it in your ‘School’ folder.
2. The more work you have the greater the self-denial and procrastination for work
3. The more work you have the higher the tendency to start blogging about things such as ‘Signs that you have been brainwashed by school’
4. Scopus or Web of Science becomes one of your most visited sites as shown on your Google Chrome explorer. And, you ‘favourite-ed’ it. Oh god.
5. You refuse to sleep even at 5 a.m, thinking that not sleeping = must be doing something productive where in actual fact you’re not.
6. You spend 40% of the time complaining about the amount of work you have to do, 40% for watching tv/anime, surfing facebook and twitter, 10% for chomping on snacks and having meals, 5% just staring at your report and data blankly and finally the last 5% on doing actual productive stuff like increasing your report by 3 sentences per day.
7. You’re constantly thinking of excuses to give when you can’t meet deadlines, when deadlines are actually still far away.
8. Your data files look like this:
9. You backup your files like there’s no tomorrow. In thumb drive 1, thumb drive 2, hard drive, external hard drive, mp3 player, gmail account, hotmail account, professor’s email, 4shared.com, and megaupload.com before you finally feel safe.
10. You want to start work but yet at the same time continue to point 11.
11. There’s no point 11. It’s finally work time!
